c-o-r-o-cops

c-o-r-o-cops

I have nothing. I feel so down.
I want to have something to believe in, someone to count on.
I have no one. I feel so down.

Ryan hasn't texted me back. He went to dinner at six thirty (when he never texted me back), and it's 9:15 now. ugh ):

What am I waiting for?
He doesn't owe me anything.
He cares more about World of Warcraft than he does me.

That's not a surprise really.

Sometimes I wonder if everyone sees the same things I see.
I feel like they're all colorblind, and I'm the only one that can see.

But I don't know what I see.

Shane asked me if I hated my life today.
I told him yeah, sometimes.

I wasn't even lying.

I feel like I'm digging a hole for myself. Every time I see Tommy or Davis, I dig myself a little deeper. Every time I see a photograph of Hunter, I bury myself five thousand feet deeper. It hurts to write his name. I thought I was doing so much better,
I even threw his stuff away.

Every time I think I'm better, something just drags me right back down.

AND
I like Ryan. A lot. More than I should. I want to tell him, but how can I?
I can't talk to anyone.
Not Ashley. I can talk to her about anything else, but not this. I don't know why.
Not Jessica. She's too naive. I can't.
Christina and I have been so distant lately...
and there's no one else.

I thought I had a good life.
And last year, I did.

I built the best life for myself that I could at the time.
But I wasn't expecting it to be torn apart, leaving me with only shreds and distant memories.